The Daily Observations of a Paranoid Negro

Today, Vitamin Water announced the results of an online poll to decide their next flavor. So the new flavor of VitaminWater will be........"facebook". That's right a drink that tastes exactly like facebook. When asked what exactly wil the facebook flavor taste like, representatives from Coco Cola said. "unemployed college graduates.....a splash of "it's complicated" relationship statuses, with a hint of big girls that only take pictures from the neck up"


Breast Awareness Month:

Many of you might have noticed on facebook this week, many women have been typing the color of their underwear in their statuses in celebration of Breast Cancer awareness month.

Man. Times are changing so fast, getting that type of information from women 10 years ago cost $2.99 the first minute and $.99 each additional minute.

Sources tell us the prices computer cleaning wipes went up by 30 percent in just two days.




KFC: Negro licking good!

In a weird new Australian KFC Commercial, it appears that a white Cricket fan is trying to watch a cricket game, but can't watch the game peacefully because surrounding black people are too loud and noisy. So the white Cricket fan gets them to be quiet by offering the black people KFC!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SCKUk3SxBI&feature=player_embedded

Is this really news? Of course you can appease us by offering us fried Chicken. It's our thing!! It's simple, Indians had peace pipes, White people have historically been fascinated with Tea (Europeans with theirTea and crumpets, Boston tea party, Republican tea party express etc) and we love our chicken, especially from the place where we feel most at home....KFC - where everybody knows every negro's name. KFC is like cheers for black people.

Seriously though, you know white people always imitate what they see on TV. I predict a race riot in 2010. I can see it now, a white man at the DMV trying to rush Shawanda off the phone with a bucket of extra crispy......Shawanda is on Break billy.....she can't help you right now!!!!


Rudy Giuliani is a hater:

In attempt to prove that President Obama is weak on National Security, Today on Good Morning America, Republican and former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani , said that " there was no domestic attacks in America during the Bush Administration"

Many people are upset. They are saying Rudy Giuliani has forgotten about the 9/11 attack, the shoe bomber attack and also he's forgetting about being attacked by his ex wife before she filed for divorce.

When asked how can he forget such an attack, Giuliani says, "because I'm still paying for it. It's seems like it happened only yesterday"



Party like a dead Rockstar:

Today marks what would have been the 75th birthday of the King of Rock and Roll Elvis Presley. To which Little Richard Responded, "Child I was 75 first. I'm the King. Nobody was better at 75 years old than me. Elvis is dead and he still stole a whole birth year from me hunny. I'm 77, I showed Elvis how to be 75 two years ago hunny, stick that tutti in your frutti......woooooo!!!!!

I wonder if people are still Having Elvis Presley sightings? I wonder if people would care anymore. If I saw a bloated, gray-haired, balding Elvis Presley slowly buying Denture Cream in CVS today, I probably would be more concerned with how he felt about his daughter marrying Micheal Jackson than where he's been at for the last 35 years.


Conan Gets an Ultimatum:

Today, speculation is rising about the tonight show with Conan O'Brien being canceled, unfortunately, Jay Leno's 10 o'clock ratings isn't doing too well, so NBC might push him back to 11:00 and only give Conan O'Brien a half hour show or he could be fired.

This could be the worst thing to happen to Irish Americans since "Boondock Saints 2"

(Joke Refence Assistance: Conan O'brien is Irish. The Boondock saints were Irish. Still not funny? act like you never read this and reread joke number 3)